Discovery

Today I had to do a presentation at work. I was so unnerved before presentation time. I felt like I wasn't prepared and my palms were sweating. IBS had kicked in because of my nerves. (TMI...I know. LOL!)I was running around the office trying to pull all the loose ends together. Time was my enemy. Then it was time to actually present. The adrenaline rush was unreal. I felt the heat from my head to my toes. I could feel the blood rush my face as I slipped in to character and delivered the goods. When I finished presenting and I got the feedback from my audience the satisfaction of knowing I nailed it by the looks on their faces and their comments was indescribable. When I went back to my office I could feel my body relaxing. My muscles were less tense. I could feel a cool breeze. You know, that feeling you have when you have built up tension and you gain relief and release in some form or fashion. That's the feeling I had. Kinda like childbirth too. I remember how it felt to finally let all of that go after holding it in for 9 months. (Whew, ok sorry for the flashback.) Anyway I got to thinking, (as you know I always do)I love this! I love the entire cycle. I love the nerves, the rush, the release. This is my passion. I discovered something that I absolutely love. I tapped into this discovery a couple of years ago when I was in full time ministry. I would have to run and rip and put on conferences and the apprehension, delivery, and successful completion of it would have my engines running. I felt invincible, cocky even! lol. So I got to thinking, why not pursue this. Why not do this kind of thing on my own terms? Yeah, why not? I guess we will have to see where this goes.

A Hard Pill To Swallow

The older you get the more you learn different layers to age old teachings. What am I talking about now you ask? Well you know things like doing to others as you will have them do to you. There are juvenile lessons you learn from these sayings and then when you get older there are adult perspectives that are added. The one that I reflect on today is just the lesson about not worrying about being wronged. I have some issues with that. It is really just sinking in to me that people can do you wrong and they can go on with their life as if nothing happened. They will live their life and actually thrive. They will have success and at times will not suffer for the wrong they've caused in your life. I had passed this lesson before. Recently, however, I had to have a refresher course. I have been really thinking about the depth of this. True indeed God has grace and mercy and I believe that is what saves these people from feeling his wrath. Looking at my life personally I know there are people that I have wronged and I didn't necessarily get the what goes around comes around treatment. Everyone has a measure of freebies I guess. What about the ones that do you really dirty when you are innocent in the situation? Shouldn't they have to pay? I guess we have to let God do what He does because He knows what He is doing. I had to swallow this hard pill again lately. I had to realize that there are some people that have done me really wrong and they are living their lives as if they never knew me. I can't wish ill will on these people. I can only release them and live my life. For the record, I will have to crush this pill the next time I have to take it because this time around it seemed to be a horse pill! lol

Ha!

It is the small things in life that make a difference. I was in a room full people who all had different issues and things going on. There was an awkward heaviness in the room that was easy to discern. We all have a story of course. There was casual conversation going on, but out of the blue a comment was made and a sly joke came in after that. The room erupted in laughter and all of a sudden the jokes and laughs were just coming. For those few minutes, people forgot what they were going through, and enjoyed the moment. We laughed and laughed until our sides were aching and the tears were flying. After that moment I, with my analytical tendencies, pondered the experience. I realized that the Bible is so correct when it says that laughter doth good like a medicine. We all left smiling, and the heaviness that was in the room was penetrated and destroyed just by a round of laughter. We as a people need to just laugh. Laugh until it hurts! Laugh until you are struggling to catch your breath.....live, laugh, and love!

Put The Gavel Down

I figured that I might as well weigh in with my 2 cents on this whole Bishop Eddie Long scandal. Of course the only information offered right now are the allegations from the now three men that claim to have had coercion from Bishop Long. Yet again, everyone gets to put on the black garb and put the pretty shiny gavel in their hands. I don't know if that man is guilty or innocent, but either way, it is not for me to know. It is for me to pray for all parties involved and move on to the next issue of life. I have said it before and I will say it again. We are too quick to judge people. We forget that someone could easily "out" us for things that we have done, or are doing. I pray that when the dust clears God will get the glory out of the entire situation. In the meantime, I am hoping society will "de-robe" and put the gavel down before the can of worms they are holding opens!

Time On My Hands

It is about 3:55am and I am sitting here on my part time job. Yes, I know, it sucks right? I worked all day long from 7:20am - 5:00pm. When I left there I had to go get my kids, pay a few bills, feed them, and try my best to get a couple hours sleep to prepare for my midnight gig. Tonight isn't so bad. I must give partial credit to 5 hour energy. It has allowed me to stay alert and coherent and that is vital being that this position is security. I have done everything. I have a book that I am currently reading entitled, The 33 Strategies of War. This is a must read might I add to anyone viewing the blog. I am only in the first few pages but I am hooked already. My life has begun to transform with each turn of the page. I also have my arsenal of snacks (so much for that weight loss epiphany. lol) I have concluded to visit my local grocer to get healthier snacks for this around the clock battle. Lastly, I have been observing people as they come and go. I have been looking at them wondering what their story is. We all have one. I look and wonder why they work here and why they get out of their beds at such terrible hours to punch a clock and make just above minimum wage if that. I guess they are here for the same reason I am! Since I have all this time on my hands I figured I might as well make the best of it. I can continue writing my book and work on things that I have been longing to do. I can also submit more frequent entries to this blog! Hooray! Sometimes we are set up by God in the most peculiar way. I have four more hours to go. What will I do next? Hmmmm.....work maybe? LMBO! (oh and just in case you are questioning my work ethic, I did clear all of this extra activity with my supervisor. Turns out, it is all encouraged because they just want you to stay awake!) Until next time.......

Weight

As I get older I have a better understanding of the things my mother said and the things she went through. I sometimes long for the opportunity to just talk to her and say, "I see what you mean now". I guess my understanding about health and well being has deepened as well. I have taken on a more serious consciousness about my health and about what I put in my body. I know exercise is good for you and it makes you feel really good. There are so many benefits to it, but why is it so hard to get into a habit or routine? These are the questions that I pose to myself. One time before I had a similar epiphany on losing weight and being healthy. I went to the gym everyday for a month and a half. I was so amazed at how awesome it made me feel. My mood was happier. I felt like I could run a marathon. (only in thought..lol) I slept better. It was such a wonderful feeling. I even saw results in my appearance. Then after all that hard work of cardio and toning I stepped on the scale and noticed I had only lost 6 lbs. Now, I heard all the talk that the loss is in inches and not necessarily weight. People told me not to get discouraged and that I was doing really good. I thought I was still motivated, but in retrospect, I think that seed planted a give up bug in me that I never recovered from. Well I have found the antidote for this bug. It is called, determination. When did I discover it you may ask? When I walked by a mirror and backed up and noticed that I did not recognize the person looking back at me! It could have been a couple of weeks ago when I climbed a flight of stairs and had to beg my knees for mercy. It doesn't matter which incident led to my epiphany. The point is, I refuse to live unhealthy. Not to worry, I'm not going to turn my blog into a weight loss chronicle, but I will share with you a few of my ups and downs on this meandering road to healthiness!

Who Has Time To Cry?

We all go through things in life that may lead to our hosting the infamous party. What party you may ask? None other than the classic pity party. Even the Bible says there is a time to laugh and a time to cry right? lol This morning I was all set. I knew that I couldn't go to work because of some other circumstances and I knew that I would have the entire day to just sulk. I invited Mr tissue, grabbed my Linus blanket(ok, so I haven't gotten a Snuggie YET), set the air on arctic and got ready to let the rivers of my pain seep from my eyes. Then I realized I had to iron a couple of pants for my kids uniform that I failed to do the night before. So I got that done. I thought maybe I would have a few minutes to run off in the corner and lick my wounds, but just then, my daughter's hair needed to be flat ironed. At this point, I got a little perturbed because I knew that their bus would be coming soon and I would have to wait at the bus stop with them. This caused the party to be postponed yet again. I mean who really wants a puffy red eyed mom waiting with them? (Especially not my first year at middle school, thinks she is in high school daughter!) Ok, the bus comes and I rush back home. I am thinking of all of the things that just aren't going right in my life and prepping myself for the pain to come. Wouldn't you know it, I had to take my friend to work. I figured since I was going that far away from home I might as well get dressed for the day. I took her to work and then I ran so many errands that exhaustion set in. By the time I returned home, I realized that I'm just too busy to have a pity party. I had a choice, get a good cry in before the bus comes to bring the kids home, or eat and take a nap. Yep, you guessed it! Tacos and power nap it was. Tom Hanks had a line in A League of Their Own that stuck with me. He said, "You're crying?... There's no crying in baseball!" I would like to tweak that just a little and say, "There's no crying in single parenting!" Needless to say, because I rain checked the impending pour down, I had an extremely productive day and I managed to make a lot of things happen with God's help!